"Hey, I am ok with homosexuality".
I am often confronted by these seemingly well-intended words but I am never quite sure how to respond to the well-meaning assurance. These words are meant to comfort and assure me, correct? He is trying to tell me that I have nothing to worry about him hating me and my lifestyle. But, why should it be presumed that I need that comfort or assurance at all, simply because I am gay?
"I am okay with the whole gay thing, dude."
"I don't care you are gay, I love you regardless."
And? You are telling me that because.....??? Are you opening up a field of discussion on the subject or are you simply shutting me up? Are you allaying my fears without even first ascertaining that they exist or simply trying to tell me that you, a straight person, accepts and embraces all lifestyles.
When the words land on my ears, an awkwardness sweeps my consciousness. Sometimes I feel like a sinner being pardoned for a sin. Am I supposed to leap and hug this person for the approval he just handed down to me? Or, should I respond with, "And I am ok with your heterosexuality"....?
When people say this, the intent is invariably noble but, to me personally, it comes through as patronizing, from a societal vantage point which appears superior to mine and offers an unsolicited approval of my natural sexual predilection. Am I being over sensitive to a friendly innocuous remark? Maybe, but I am compelled to address it here. When these words are voiced, they sound as though they come from someone with a privilege that I lack. I suspect people often say this to reassure themselves rather than to assure or comfort their audience, regardless of its impact on their audience.
This is the year 2011 and, this is New York City. Why must there be a need to field such an assurance or comfort by one person to another? What if the roles were switched and when a heterosexual man drops in a mention of a girl friend or wife in a conversation, I interject immediately with "I am okay with your heterosexuality"? Basically, I just told him that I am totally fine with his choice of a woman as his sexual partner. That sounded awkward, right? Because, it is totally unnecessary.
I wonder if we still require such curiously palliative assurance voiced from the other side and if yes, why so? I don't. I don't care if you are fine or not with my private life. The key word here is - private. It has nothing to do with you and therefore, does not require your assurance, comfort or approval. How about we take it upon ourselves to respect the other's private life without succumbing to the urge to bestow a blessing from the misbegotten societal pulpit of privilege. When I became the citizen, I took the oath of allegiance to the United States of America and in exchange America promised me a life of freedom and equality. If we are all equal here, then one doesn't require the approval or assurance of the other to lead a free life as one deems fit.
